Sunday, July 15, 2007

Third Chapter - behavioral changes

EMEE'S EDIT:

Chris entered the kitchen with a weary sigh.
"C'mon, Regan!"
"Sharon? What's up?"
"She won't eat. She hasn't eaten all day."
Chris circled the table, and stroked her daughter's hair tenderly. She looked at the milk glass and stew that hadn't been touched.
"You're not hungry, babe?"
"No."
Sharon was glaring.
"She wouldn't do her school work either."
"Don't you feel well?"
She was silent.
Chris observed her daughter, worriedly. The child's body was alive with small twitches. She fidgeted. Something small on the table had her attention. She fiddled with it as if hypnotized. I should make an appointment with a Doctor, Chris reminded herself.
"She threw her notebook at me today, as well."
Abruptly, Regan stood up from her chair in fury. "You're a liar!" She pointed her accusation at Sharon with a trembling finger.




Early on the evening of 9th April, Chris returned home from work exhausted.

Nothing comes out of my mind Emee!! Oh no! ;)

The house was immersed in the silence. Where's everybody? Chris thought.
She heard voices coming from the kitchen.

I have to go for an hour :(( Will you still be here?

K, I'll write the ideas ..... loli.

Chris goes to the kitchen and finds Sharon trying to make Regan eat. She informs Chris that Regan hasn't eaten all day, Chris strokes her daughters hair lovingly, and asks if she's not hungry. Regan says, no, she isn't. Sharon tells Chris that Regan also refused to do her schoolwork exercises, and even threw something at Sharon. While Sharon tells this, Regan is nervously touching something. Her body fidgety and alive with small, restless movements. She stands up and yells, "Liar!!" (to Sharon) ;))

What you think?

Lol, I typed Lair!! And Shirl at the beginnin! ohh god, it's that I'm so used to think of her as Chriss

17 comments:

Sofia_ said...

I'm trying ot think lol!!

Monster-Maniac said...

Keep trying! I'm cheering for you!

Monster-Maniac said...

Very good! I'm eating now, I'll edit it very soon :))) Check the scans!

Monster-Maniac said...

LOL I thought you were kidding!

Sofia_ said...

About the name?? No, honestly, I wasn't. I'll edit lol!

Sofia_ said...

I love IT!!! Please keep going!! :DD

I love books that have a lot of dialogues, you know? Most books focus more on narrative.

Monster-Maniac said...

I love dialogues too. Blatty's are the best. Tho it's about a tie with Hemmingway's dialogues.

Sofia_ said...

I love what you wrote!! THANK you!

But there's only one thing.

The unnatural strength is kind of soon to be mentioned. At this point the doctor just says she's suffering from hyperactivity and not a pathological case.

And Chris should only be shocked, not frightened.

LOl, that's just what I feel. I'm not sure if you agree with me.

Monster-Maniac said...

Fine points. I'll fix it. Thanks for being honest so nicely :)

Sofia_ said...

Oh gosh, I hope it's okay what I said! You're such an incredible writer, I feel silly criticizing!! Well, I didn't even meant it as a critic!

Sofia_ said...

Ah! Chris should also think about
making an appoitment with a doctor. But I can add that. :)

Monster-Maniac said...

I'm sure you can do it :)

Sofia_ said...

lol I'm not seeing straight. I mean, the keyboard. My lids are heavyy.

i forgot to ask, don't you like the words "restless movements" because that was from Blatty's first draft screenplay, from the ouija board part.

Sofia_ said...

omg, lids? what am i talking about?

Monster-Maniac said...

I liked it, but I didn't know how to fit it in right... You can fix it :) I'm sleepy too. want to call it a night?

Sofia_ said...

call it a night means, going to sleep? HEHEE
Awww sure!! Again I thank you beyond words!! If it wasn't for you, I would never have these passages. :DD

Good night!!!
And thanks again also for Shirley's scans!!!

Monster-Maniac said...

So welcome. Sweet dreams!!!